Wednesday, April 7, 2010
"Aint got a lick o' sense" is the phrase that comes to mind.
One would think that some people would have a modicum of common sense. Just the basics, but time and time again I am proven wrong. I should never watch daytime television. I guess I love the judges. Judge Alex is hot, what can I say?
But still, I see people in situations that I would never tolerate. I see situations that my husband wouldn't tolerate. If I behaved the way some of these women behave, let me tell you, I would not have been married for 26 years.
Let me give you an example. The wife had the attitude was that she deserved the best. Both partners worked and she would buy these expensive (and tacky based on what was shown) because she 'deserved' it. She believed her husband spent too much time and money on his hobbies (fishing, hunting, tinkering with old cameras).
I think I deserve stuff. I think I'm special and classy. I also know that my husband and I work our butts off just to stay above water. I don't expect my husband to buy me an expensive set of jewelry for our anniversary. I know for a fact that neither of us have the money. But I do know that when he can afford it, he will.
When we got married he gave me a choice: Wedding bands or engagement ring. I said wedding bands. They weren't expensive and they were just plain gold bands. I wore a cubic zirconia until we got married. And then 18 months later, my husband received a rather large bonus. He took me to the jewelry store and said 'whatever you want'. I now have a large marquise style diamond ring not a diamond chip ring that my friends used to flaunt as a sign of their boyfriends.
Often I would hear from my friends that he should have gotten me an engagement ring, yadda, yadda, yadda. And yes, I deserved a nice big rock on my finger as I sign of my worth to him. What they couldn't understand that he gave me a choice so it was all on me.
They are also the same women who can't understand our $25 rule.
Early in our marriage we had serious money problems and we fought over it. He would spend and I would spend beyond our means. Finally we came up wih the $25 Rule. This rule states simply, any personal purchase over $25 we must let the other spouse know. That way we can't accuse each other of overspending without the other's knowledge.
Seems logical, but my friends are going 'why do you have to get his permission?'. I'm not getting permission, I'm letting my husband know. Okay, maybe it is a sense of permission, but I see it as a sign of respect to my other half. We never say no without good reason and considering we haven't argued over money in the past 20 years as a result I think means alot.
Time to close up this ramble and watch a movie. War of the Roses maybe?
Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love (New & Revised)
Divorce For Dummies